It’s been a good morning. Got up way, way early. Drank a lot of coffee. Read the paper. Took a long walk. Said good morning to Senior Citizens in matching track suits.
I am a regular Goddamn ray of sunshine when stay in on Friday nights all sober and stuff.
You can tell this stuff doesn’t happen all that often, because after my walk this morning I was all, “I think perchance I might stop by the bookstore,” like there was a blue bird on my shoulder to chat up or something.
And so I went to open the door. I pulled once. And it wouldn’t budge. Pulled again. And again.
I went to the other door. It wouldn’t budge either.
And I was thinking, “the fuck? Why are all of their doors stuck?”
Yeah, so rare is it I get up so early to wander around it didn’t even occur to me shops weren’t open yet, so I spent like, three minutes yanking on locked doors.
So you know, once I figured it out, I had to make a big show of it all, like I couldn’t believe the store wasn’t open! I am so surprised! Let me purposefully lift my arm and look at my bare wrist so I can pantomine, “Oh my gosh! I am not even wearing a watch! But I am looking at my wrist like an idiot so you know, you anonymous passerbyers who could care less what I am doing, know that I obviously didn’t realize what time it was or there would be no way I would have spent so much time yanking on those locked doors! You see, I didn’t even realize what time it is! This store is not even open yet! Oh how silly! I am so silly!”
Why the fuck would I even bother with all that?
I didn’t even realize I was doing this, making such a big show for the stupid Starbucks-drinking gortex-wearing dog walkers. Apparently the Morning Me wanted to fit in or something, fool them all into maybe thinking I am One of Them? A morning person? Like I was just popping in after my Pilates class to kill an hour until it was time to meet my Fiance Chad for energy drinks once he finished up the rock climbing wall down the street?
Yeah, well - I don’t know about all that, but I do know I am looking forward to taking a nap soon because I am probably going to be out very late tonight in a smoky joint listening to music and drinking beer and all of my normal business and so thinking about all of that the Nighttime Me really wants to kick Morning Me’s ASS for being such schmuck.
That is all.