Oh for fuck�s sake, there isn�t much of a reason for not typing here other than the fact that there�s not a whole lot more than the humdrum going on. Well, that and old Bessie�s dead. Well, not dead exactly but she�s not connecting to the Internet for some reason and I am getting all of these weird configuration errors and 702 and 808 danger! Danger! Danger, annfrankenstein! Warnings and things. And quite frankly, I don�t feel like dealing with it so she sits until I can get her on the mend somehow.
Poor old computer. It�s not really her fault. I mean, she�s a real Frankenstein all unto herself. That is the hard drive is some sort of �98 Dell thing given to me by my brother in law after he upgraded. The 56k internal dial-up modem is something I installed myself; a sad little weird off-brand orphan that was given to me by the engineer of the radio station I worked at years ago. The monitor is a Gateway thrift store piece I picked up for five bucks after the original crapped out (and what�s really funny is that five dollar monitor is actually better than the original! I am glad other people upgrade regularly! Their junk=I get to update my diary!)
Then there�s the keyboard which is strictly a 1994 IBM thing that makes a really satisfying clackity-clack when you use the keys that may be annoying to anyone else but makes me feel like I am really getting shit done with all the racket it makes.
This should all make me feel more embarrassed than it does, I suppose. I mean what with all of the kids out there now a days born with the broadband umbilical cords and iPod brains. But I feel no shame! I do what I have to do! But I am not doing it because I am sort of old school Luddite who can�t be bothered. I just honestly can�t commit to anything new because I don�t know what I really want and I could just see myself upgrading and upgrading and getting all of this shit I just don�t need and I hate that idea. That just seems so wasteful. So I just keep bandaging up what I have until maybe take the time to figure it out?
I will stop now before the guestbook is flooded with the whole Mac v. PC debate because you just don�t get enough of that online.
Though I cannot tell a lie. I am dying to be able to burn CDs at home. So, soon maybe.
Another thing I have totally been on the fence about: cable teevee. I have been seriously considering getting The Dish (as the old �charming� building I live in is not cable ready � the one place on earth and I found it, people!)
But here is the thing. Do I really need it? I know I have mentioned before, I only have about six broadcast channels and yet I still manage to watch an assload of television anyway. I mean, just the other night I found myself actually torn over the decision of whether to watch Last Comic Standing or Top Model. On what planet does that happen?
Planet TiVo-Cableless, that�s where.
Well, at least such a thing helps you define the limits as to what amount of crap you are willing to have pushed upon you. And in my journey I have discovered that limit is a little thing called �Paradise Hotel.�
Paradise Hotel courtesy of FOX (are we surprised?) where �real� people are picked to spend time on a private beach resort and that is about it. Is there a point to that �show�? I mean, really. Every promo I�ve ever seen has a greazy guy in a bandana and some tanned-to-the-point-of-orange girl in a bikini top crying.
What are they crying about? Are they having a tough time deciding between scuba diving or a quick jaunt out on the SkeeDo for the day? Did FOX fail to stock up on the Bacardi Silver for the weekend? Run out of Rum mixers? Does anyone know?
The one time I tuned in for more than five minutes there was some drunk (again tanned-to-the-point-of-orange) girl bawling on her 4000 count thread sheets all upset because she just turned 29 and she was finished as a person while some dude (again, probably sporting a bandana) assured her in drunken frat speak �no, man! Yeeerrr boootiful! Shut up, dude! Yer a boootiful woman!�
Again, I am not Hotty McHotPants but umm, a tip: if you are so concerned about aging, stay out of the sun and chances are you won�t look like an alligator tote bag by the time you are 35.
I am just saying I haven�t had cable channels in over two years now and while broadcast teevee leaves little to boast, to tell you the truth, I am hardly missing it. Again, I am afraid of the waste. I know what happens to you people when there is a Trading Spaces marathon on. A whole day � gone!
And who needs smarmy craft-chat by impossibly good looking carpenter type folks when you can get Ken Burns Civil War programming and reality teevee like Manor House? Blood! Guts! And housemaids getting it on with hallboys!
Plus, for some odd reason I know I have mentioned before, but have yet to figure out, the Korean channel turns into MTV2 (in black and white!) after midnight (booty shaker videos! In black and white!)
At any rate � The Dish. Soon, maybe.
God, I know. What�s next? I break down and get a cell phone?
Okay, everybody just shoosh. I DO have a DVD player, okay? And at the rate I usually catch onto these new-fangled-thing-a-ma-bobs that shouldn�t have happened in my world �til 2013.
Now go play some good old fashioned yet updated games on your own!
And remember this ain�t your granddaddy�s Orphan Annie decorder ring radio programming