ann-frank’s string of bad words heard around the world : An HTML Morality Tale
Ok, so you know how you’ve just signed up and you've got your own account and you've been on diaryland.com for like, 5 minutes and you have been reading around and you see everyone else has a cool looking templates with wacky fonts and funky images and they have like, a million hits and everyone is always LOLing and hahahaing in their guest books and these people with the cool templates are like the superstars of the diaryland – they are sitting at the cool lunch table - and you start thinking yes! yes! I could be a superstar of diaryland I just need one of those cool templates because everyone knows that is the key to diarylandsuperstardom - a cool template, and like, your very own emoticon chart – of course! and maybe I will have flowers! no – skulls! no – dancing skulls! and so you go on your search for dancing skulls that would make such a great border for your template – nothing say whacky-wanton diary-mistress like dancing skulls!
and you start looking, but none of the free templates have skulls let alone dancing skulls but there are plenty of dancing bears and you decide well, that will just have to do for now because you got to get moving on this cool template thing because people are already reading you- I mean, you’ve had 12 hits already, you’ve got fans who think you’ve got it going on and you cannot disappoint them! so you settle for the dancing bears and at that free template site there are links and warnings and flashing signs that hit you over the head and tell you “DO NOT USE THESE UNLESS YOU KNOW BASIC HTML” and you don’t even blink because you can bold and you can italicize and that is as basic as it gets baby, you’ve got it going on and you can just see the fans at the gate ready to crash your diary so forget the warnings for get the FAQ forget the READ THIS FIRST, it is time to change YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR!!
So find your dancing bears or whatever and you copy and paste the code into your “change HTML” screen here on your little portion of diaryland and all satisfied with yourself you hit “make changes” then you “click here” all beaming and ready for the world to be gunned down by the brilliant new template and you contemplate more changes – music files! glitter signs! scratch and sniff guestbook! but when you “click here” something is wrong with the font, it’s like, not right – as a matter of fact, it’s like, not there and you don’t panic until you realize your dancing bears or whatever are not there! That was the whole point in the first place! how can you be a superstar without dancing?! so you go back to the HTML screen and you see some of these >>> and these <<< and you think if you do something along the lines of (*^%$ in between “ “ you will be fine – the skulls bears, music and maybe even the silhouette of princess diana will show up so you try and nothing! and not only is there no dancing but your words are missing! your beautiful pithy comments are gone! and you are thinking well, I may not know if I have to have dancing to be cool, but I sure as hell know I need words to make this work – I mean it IS a DIARY!!
So then you notice andrew is on IM and you try to casually bring it up you have messed up your entire world and he wants to help you but you are new and way too embarrassed to give him your user name when he asks so you decline and say you will give it another hour of dicking around with it and if it doesn’t work you will try to email some nice folks, but it’s been like, 2 hours already and you don’t know …you just DON’T KNOW!! And you can feel all of those magical feelings slip away, the popularity, the LOLing and the hahahaing, those special knowing looks from the emoticons .. you can feel it slip away and it’s like you are in 6th grade and you just got your bra snapped…oh the shame – the shame – you are not good enough for dancing skulls! you suck! you suck I tell you! And then while you are wallowing deep in the bowels of your own self pity you hear the ring of the IM:
bearjerk: you can switch it back easily though to one of the built-in te mplates
Well the moral of the story is:
Don’t FUCK with HTML because HTML just wants to FUCK with YOU.
Thos warnings are there for a reason!! Read them!!
p.s. if I have to point it out for you this explains why I will probably have this template forever!!