I realize lately that I’ve been talking more about the jsbx than all y’all have been dropping the Spiderman references (if that’s possible) but I just gotta say this then drop it: I am not as clever as I thought I was. I am not the supersecret rock-n-roll sleuth I thought I was.
It seems there was, in fact, an official a-f sighting at the jsbx show. At first tha libboy thought perhaps I was one of the girlies all rocking out in front, but it turns out I was, in fact the big dork behind him standing in a pool of beer trying not to fall in my tall shoes and apparently not as slick as I first thought as I was because upon further discussion, it turns out I was eventually spotted waiting for the crowd to clear.
And I wasn’t even flashing the damn supersecret dland hand signal.
At any rate, ladies and gentleman – I am now thinking of starting a Where’s Waldo of diaryland game - if any of you anytime manage this summer to spot the a-f you are entitled to a “hello” and one free beverage of your choice *
But don’t expect me to be wearing that red and white striped turtleneck. I mean, it’s summer for crying out loud.
In other jsbx-free news: a story.
There was a fella I used to know in college named Brian. We worked at the college radio station together. Brian, in general, bugged the fuck out of me.
For various reasons.
One of which, Brian liked to refer to himself as “The Phantom”.
Mostly he referred to himself as “The Phantom” when he was doing his radio program.
Ok, so radio program or not I don’t need to point out it’s totally retarded, to refer to yourself as “The Phantom”, do I?
No? Good. Let’s move on.
Back in the day, I absolutely positively refused to call him The Phatom, so I called him by his real name “Brian”.
On the other hand, a mutual friend of ours Mike, would do nothing but refer to him as The Phantom.
“Hey Phantom, what’s up?”
“Did you hear the new Jesus Lizard 7 inch, Phantom?”
“Hey Phantom, that party’s on Elm – you going?”
And it drove me nuts, reinforcing such an annoying name for such an equally annoying person. So finally I was all “Jesus, Mike! Call him Brian! That is his name! Why do you insist on calling him Phantom?!”
I don’t remember exactly what Mike’s answer was but it went something like, “he wants to be called Phantom, I’m gonna call him Phantom, because a few years from now that jerk’s going to realize just how dumb it is and he’ll be totally embarassed by it. You’ll see.”
This weekend I just happened to run into some too cool for school hipster people I immediately wanted to crack in the head.
Who should be among them but our friend Brian from back in the day.
And even though I am sure over the years he has probably matured into a very nice human being, perhaps he even works with orphans and takes in stray puppies and does 5k runs on weekends in the name of cancer research or something.
But all of that aside the first thing that popped out of my mouth was a big smile and “Hey! Phantom! What’s up? Man, I haven’t seen you in years, Phantom!” Right in front of all of his annoying hipster pals.
He was so. pissed.
I mean: p.i.s.s.e.d.
That Mike was a fucking visionary, man.
And that’s a wrap on the a-f weekend.
Have a good week, won’t you?
* offer valid during rock shows only. One beverage per show. Offer valid Memorial Day thru Labor Day ’02. Offer valid in Cook County only. No substitutions no cash value. Offer valid only if I have more than $10 bucks in my pocket at the time (which, let’s face it, decreases your chances by like ten fold.) Offer valid only if I am wearing tall shoes. Potential stalkers need not apply.