Yeah, well I am sure you are all dying to know - so you'll be happy to find out I survived the wedding and managed to have much fun in my Terribly Cute But Horribly Awfully Painfully Contortive Strappy Sandals.
But then again, I also decided to wear the Impossibly Cute and Just Enough Cleavage-d Dress.
Which, you know, helped.
You see, cleavage distracts the eye from the Incredibly Unattractive Grimace on my face created by the Terribly Cute But Horribly Awfully Painfully Contortive Strappy Sandals.
Strictly a diversionary tactic, I assure you.
At any rate there was much merriment and many cocktails all of which eventually led to Solid Couch Time the next day as my head was spinning from the Amazing Amount of Alcoholic Beverages imbibed trying to kill the pain from below my ankles created by the Terribly Cute But Horribly Awfully Painfully Contortive Strappy Sandals.
So, it was during this couch time I saw the The World’s Most Incredibly Dumb TeeVee Show Host during some sort of home grown cooking show.
She was Church Lady to the Extreme decked out in her floral blouse and matching culottes. She and her kitchen cohort were cookin’ up some sort of Beef Stew in what was so huge of a pot it looked more like a 55 gallon drum than anything you’d actually find in the kitchen.
And I say so only because it was so big it could very well have held an entire cow, it was so big.
That’s a lot of beef.
So, while her mustachioed co-host stirred away at the stew, The Culotte Wearing Church Lady decided to give a thoroughly modern shout-out to all the vegetarians who hadn’t yet tuned-out during the overhead-cam shot of this pot full o’ cow carcass just a bubbling away.
So, she was all, “you know I was talking to my vegetarian friend at work the other day about this recipe and so I says to my vegetarian friend I says, ‘ you know, this recipe works for just about everybody, including you – for this particular recipe you can also substitute the beef for ground turkey, you know because the ground turkey works just as well ... "
Swear. To. God.
I couldn’t make that up if I tried.
AND the show was on PBS .
Apparently, the definition of vegetarianism runs a little loose on church-y public broadcasting. So much for pretense.