Today’s latest work debacle has “international incident” written all over it. So I am sorry but the U.S. is just gonna have to watch it’s back for a little while longer, okay?
That is today I was put on this super-top-secret project that involved writing a bunch of stuff that will eventually be translated by other people into a few different languages for use overseas which would not seem like a terribly horrible task to take, you know, ann-frank going Global and all but man oh man you just don’t realize how many American clichés you use daily until it’s going to be like, broadcast for some Frenchman to hear giving him another reason to violently crush out another cigarette in disgust over American ignorance.
And since it’s top-secret, you know, I can’t really get into all the details but as I said, you never realize how many horrific American Clichés you throw out there on a daily basis until you realize if you are going to write something like, “He has to pee like a race horse,” what you are actually going to get translated in say, French is, "It has to do pipi as a race horse.”
I am not saying this is what was actually written, I am merely saying American English leaves a lot open for interpretation, you know?
Therefore, after a frustrating day I do not mind saying the situation got a wee bit ridiculous because before I knew it I just started typing “Achtung! Achtung!” over and over because even though it has nothing to do with what was needed, who doesn’t like to yell, “achtung!?”
Go ahead, try it.
See? So much fun!
Let’s just be thankful someone else is doing the translation because had it been up to me finding the hotkey combinations to make the “accent a grave” or the infamous “umlauts”, well, that would have taken like, awhile and who’s got that kind of time when there is beer to drink?
At any rate I was just going to go ahead and blame my international ignorance on the United States Public School System, which is usually the way out of these kind of embarrassing situations, but in my youth I happened to attend private Catholic schools so instead I guess I will just have to blame God.
Eh. What’s done is done.
It’s out of my hair and if I piss off a few of the smoking French, they’ll just have to email me later because I have the day off tomorrow and in celebration of the International a-f I am gonna knock back a few pints and have fun the Irish way!
Yes, for those of you keeping score - with my sweeping generalizations I have probably insulted most of Europe, more accurately, a handful of the Smoking French, perhaps a gaggle of Germans, God and small percentage of the Irish all in one entry. But c’mon, show me an Irishman who’ll complain about a pint!
And God? Well she’ll just have to take it up with me when I get to the Pearly Gates.
Assuming I am let anywhere within a two-mile radius come my time, you know.
In ignorant bliss,