Ok, so my mother’s coming into town again this weekend ‘cause the nephew (her grandson obviously) is all turning 4!
And there’s gonna be a party!
Which is cool, because I love the little bugger to death. But it’s going to be a loooong weekend, ladies and gentlemen. The phone call earlier this week went a little something like this:
Mom: So, I think I’ll come in Friday night then. It’s okay if I stay with you, right?
Me: Sure, mom, of course. Absolutely.
Mom: [getting down to business] Ok, then well I was thinking I’ll come in Friday night then we can hang out after you are done with work, have dinner, maybe do some shopping…”
Me: Uh-huh, yeah…
Mom: Then Saturday we will drive to the party early so we can see the nephew before the guests arrive [about an hour away] and then Lori [the sister in law] said we could stay the night, which will be nice so we don’t have to drive back ….”
Me: Ok, uh-huh…suuuure…
Mom: …And then we can all spend Sunday together then we will drive back to your place Sunday, browse the bookstore or something and I’ll stay the night and we’ll get up really early Monday and have breakfast before you go to work…”
Me: Uh-huh, ok, yeah … can you hold on a sec, ma? Thaaaaanks …. let me … just…. grab a pen … Ok, mom, sorry g’head, you were saying? Yeah, sorry about that … I just need to write this all down and maybe make a diagram or two to find out exactly when I’ll have time to breath.!!
Good. Gravy. Don’t get me wrong - I love me mum and all she is truly super-awesome – but dude – 72 hours plus? That’s a lot of uninterrupted one-on-one-mother-daughter quality time.
Thank goodness she’s a morning person, and would rather drive at such a time – so she’ll be here bright and early in the morn’ instead of tonight.
Which buys me a little breathing room to scrub the floors, take out the garbage, find a matching dish set* and hide the porn and things. I mean, I was going to head out tonight for a night of music and friends and cocktails and such, but considering what happened last time (I mean, you remember what happened last time, right? No, seriously – follow thatlink then come back to see just what a big old ‘tard I am – I’ll wait)…
Ok, back? Ok, considering what happened last time, I think it’s best I just hanker down and stay in have a few cocktails and listen to The Alkaline Trio with my friend Wicked Pete.
But maybe I’ll do a combat roll for the hell of it anyway. I dunno, after a few it could suddenly seem like a good way to get to those hard to reach dust bunnies.
So, anyway, you will have to excuse me, I've got a hot date with the Swiffer™
* isn't it good enough her daughter didn't grow up to be a crack-whore? Does her sucess also have to depend on a matching dish set, too? I mean really - when did that bar get raised?