PEOPLE I OWE:
Illinois Department of Revenue: $47.85
Every year they send me a letter ‘round this time informing me I did my taxes wrong then charge me a million dollars interest on like, the buck fiddy I would have owed in January had they informed me a wee bit earlier.
Master Card: $39.00 minimum payment
Estimated time debt paid off at this rate: 2038 (just in time to enjoy my $46.74 a month social security check debt free, before social security runs out – thank you boomers!)
‘Lectric Company: $38.72
I live in an approximate 400 square foot studio, with like, a 40 watt bulb and a 1972 Gateway Computer running. How this is possible, I do not know.
Umm, hello, ma bell? I made like, one long distance call last month! 10-10-220 is my new best friend ya mofos!
The Bank’s Car Payment – plus monthly insurance: $352.00
A girl’s gotta drive!
Rent (gas bill included): $678
You heard me say 400 square feet, and I don’t even get to control my own heat, right? (yeah, yeah, I know it's relatively cheap, but c'mon!)
misc. debt: one miiiilion dollars!
PEOPLE WHO OWE ME:
The Vending Machine at Work: $ .50
That bastid took my last quarters and didn't even give me my gooey-fruity-goody Mike & Ikes!
So, after a little simple arithmetic – I am left with enough money for a Pabst Blue Ribbon … in a can …
Who wants to go out? I’m buying!