It was amateur night at the laundry mat today.
Lots of seemingly clueless people running around without any basic knowledge of how a laundry mat operates. All types of people - including all of the nearby college students who are opting to hit my ‘mat instead of waiting out the Sunday rush for the washer/dryers in their fancy-schmancy dorms.
Like the confused girl in the Abercrombie sweat suit. The one who asked me how many washing machines you were allowed to use.
Umm, as many as you need to sweetheart, it’s a public laundry mat - knock yourself out.
Then: how do you make the machine wash your clothes in cold water.
Ummm, you press the cold wash button?
I don’t mean to be so harsh, I was actually pretty darn helpful, but if you are 18 years old and you can figure out how to program 13 different annoying rings for your cell phone - you should certainly know how to wash your own clothing.
More fun included the non-working change machine that kept eating people’s money. I must have looked like Machine Master what with me wearing my fancy I-am-doing-laundry-today-for-the-first-time-in-three-weeks-so-the-only-thing-I-have-left-to-wear-are-these-oh-so-attractive-holey-sweat-pants-with-the-faded-number-6-on-my-ass or something because everyone kept coming directly to me to say all panic-y, “the change machine ate my money! Is there anyone working here? Why isn’t there anyone working here?”
To which I would answer, Because that big ass sign directly in front of you I am certain you read but are choosing to ignore anyway because it is much more fun to whine to me instead says the attendant left at 5:00. That is why there isn’t anyone working here right this second Mr. Tragedy, now please, let me read my book.
Also notable today – the My Favorite Google Hit in the Last 24 Hours Award goes to: Why+Do+Women+Show+Their+Thongs.
This hit is courtesy of a student of Binghamton University who is apparently doing a little research into the female psyche. I don’t know why women show their thongs, unknown Binghamton Student, this remains a complete mystery to me as well, but what’s even more baffling than why women feel compelled to show off their tacky underthings is Why You Capitalized All Of The Words In Your Search?
Is this a title of a book? An old 2 Live Crew remix? Are you in fact, looking for a proper noun? Your little search has raised more questions than answers and I need answers! You will not get away so easily next time!
While I am on the subject of Google hits, I might as well say, quite a few or you repeat readers of ann-frank.diaryland.com attend some pretty fancy-schmancy schools.
Note to MIT.edu, Harvard.edu and UC.edu and others: your parents would be horrified to know you spend your valuable study time reading my schlock! Hit the books, kiddo! You don’t want to wind up like me.
Also, I swear to god it is so cold in my apartment I am about to run outside and kidnap the first person who walks by and hold their bodyheat ransom as I insist they sleep with me. It is 58 degrees in here! The fireman across the hall is not home to turn the thermostat up! (the thermostat, as some of you know, is in his apartment!) What’s with the exclamation point abuse ann-frank!
And finally, some good news. I found my Jon Spencer Blues Explosion “Orange” CD and my “Blue” & “Green” Weezer CDs today.
They were all hiding out in my “Pat Benetar’s Greatest Hits” CD case. Which actually, makes sense to me. I am sure both Rivers and Jon Spencer had a crush on Pat Benetar back in the day. I mean, who doesn’t love a woman in cat’s eye make-up and a headband? Anyway, I probably would have found them sooner had it been in any other CDs case, because it’s not often I listen to that one. I only bring out The Benetar when I am feeling particularly cheeky enough to do the “Love Is a Battlefield” dance.
Yeah, you go ahead and make fun but how many dances do you know are good enough to drive a pimp out of town, * huh?!
I go. Make tea now. Sleep well, starshines.
* I am not sure the 25 and under crowd’ll get that last part there, so you know, send inquiries to the email address listed above. Subject line: Pimp Dance Q&A. I’ll get to it eventually.