Do me a favor and never ever ever ever ask me to be your Maid of Honor, please?
I�ve mentioned it before, my sister�s getting married and the wedding is already this Friday if you can believe that.
And it is only now that I realize what a sucky maid of honor I am.
I do not have the trinkets ready. I do not the ingredients for the pre-wedding mimosa ready, I do not all of the other ladies in the wedding coordinated and prepared for the rehearsal tomorrow night.
The shoes I finally caved in and bought are the incredibly uncomfortable and extremely ugly �Dyables� any lady who has ever been in a wedding is way too familiar with.
And they shrunk when they were dyed.
So I have been wearing for the past two hours in a last ditch attempt to stretch them out - mumbling to myself as I try to prepare a coherent speech for the toast that will hopefully endear as oppose to embarrass.
Get the picture?
Let me help you � basically I�ve been teetering around my apartment in my PJ�s and three inch heels clacking around on the hard wood floors murmuring cheesy lines like �as you slide down the banister of life � may the splinters never be facing the wrong way!�... Like I am Miss Crack Pipe USA gearing up for the Flannel Pajamas competition.
Dude, if I were outside and had a shopping cart � I�d be the crazy lady outside the Jewel grocery store.
Unrelated � the new Kid Rock album came out today and I only mention this because a fellow at work bought it and has been playing it non-stop.
I don�t even have to go into the reasons why Kid Rock is the grossest human being on earth, do I?
No, instead I will point out Kid Rock is his own worst enemy with a sampling of some lyrics from one of his new �songs�:
I take the punk rock
and I mix it with the hip-hop
Gonna rock you higher than a tree top
Stop. Right. There.
Rock you higher than a tree top?.
Dude, I am no P. Diddy. I ain�t no Dre, I know like, two Jay Z songs.
But those aren�t exactly what you�d call �mad rhyming skillz�, are they?
Call me the crazy old lady outside the Jewel, but are the kids really shelling out $18.99 at fargging Sam Goodey for that crap?
p.s. thanks to CuppaJoe for the12% Beer props! When you go there tell rudey and the others they're tops!