Yes, I’ve been whining about the bug I’ve caught. And I still don’t have much of an appetite – which is a good thing. Because if I’m gonna get sick, I may as well drop a few pounds in the process.
Oh, don’t worry I’ve not become anorexic or anything, I’ve just been sucking down the fluids in the process to keep myself hydrated.
And I haven’t had a cigarette in a week.
Although strangely enough, now that I am feeling better – I have an intense craving for a Marlboro Red and a glass of champagne.
Weird, huh? I am guessing 4 out of 5 doctors don’t recommend champagne in the recommended daily allowance of fluids.
Now I am just wondering how hard it’d be to find that 5th doctor for backup?
Anyway, I’ve been cooped up in my apartment for like, two and half days now watching the tapes of the entire series of The Sopranos, plus the Kevin Smith feature Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and now I’ve just started into the Queer as Folk Series.
After days of being subjected to Mafia violence, stoner jokes and casual sex, I am not exactly sure how I will react to the real world once I am set free tomorrow.
Pop a cap in someone’s ass, shoot up or fornicate?
And speaking of important decisions, the you know the 4th episode of Queer as Folk? The one where Ted takes an overdose of GHB and goes into a coma and you later find out that Ted’s living will made Brian in charge of the very important job of deciding whether or not to pull the plug should the time come?
Well, sure the entire time I am watching I am feeling for Brian because I am all, “sheesh that would so suck having to make that decision. I wonder who I would put in charge of pulling the plug should I wind up in a coma?”
But that important pondering faded quickly and was replaced because all the sudden you find out while Ted is laid up helpless in a coma his mother is at the hospital and his friends find out she was going to go to his condo to fetch a few of his things and maybe snoop around a little so his friends had to quickly run to get to the condo before she does so they can hide Ted’s porn and the 33 dildos they gave him for his 33rd birthday.
And then I was all thinking “Sheesh, should I ever wind up in a coma forget about deciding who gets to decide to pull the plug – more importantly who the heck is gonna clean my apartment before my family starts snooping around!?”
Not that there’s much to hide besides a few hundred embarrassing handwritten diaries that prattle on about embarrassing crushes, the people I’ve slept with and who it is I hate most in this world (and yeah, maybe a couple of smutty videos, but I am not too worried about those)
Because more importantly this entire time the family’s been under the assumption I am a real adult with like, proper window treatments, doilies, bed shams, and matching dish sets!
Who am I going to trust to come in to burn the diaries, destroy my hard drive and tastefully redecorate?
I mean who do you trust with a job like that, people? Who?!