So once again the car trouble strikes. Nothing major mind you. Just enough to leave me stranded and havin’ to hitch a ride home with the gas station fella so I could arrange a tow from the comforts of my own home.
Never mind last year, for the first time ever I bought a brand new car so this kinda thing wouldn’t happen.
But this is me you’re dealing with. And if something’s going to go wrong with a car, you bet I’m behind the wheel.
To help you get a better idea of the kinda trouble I am talking about - let me refer you to the Great Car-B-Que of ‘98. That was the time my car decided to casually combust right in the middle of the busy intersection of Halsted and Belmont in Chicago. On a Saturday night. On the way to my very own birthday party.
The firemen were cute though. And they were nice enough to shut down that entire busy little intersection just for me and my little old car fire while they took an axe to the hood.
And the policeman who filled out the report was kind enough to let me and my case of beer hitch a ride with him to the party (your tax dollars hard at work Cook County!) And I am happy to report I was still on time.
You bet I left the car in that questionably legal spot and headed out for the night. What were they going to do? tow it?
Yeah, well at least I had the perfect ice breaking opening line at the bar that night.
“Hey – you know that fire on Halsted and Belmont earlier tonight? Yeah, that’s right, that was me.”
So yeah. Things happen when I am behind the wheel. Not that I’ve ever gotten in an accident, mind you. No, that’s never happened with me behind the wheel (::knock wood, chuck salt over my shoulder::) but I’ve wound up in ditches in the middle of snow storms, I’ve had tires spontaneously liberate themselves from hubs when in motion, timing belts go on the interstate blah blah blah list goes on…
But one thing is certain though – you learn a few things over the years – when the shit goes down stay calm and just go along for the ride. There’s nothing you can do about it, so you may as well have a little fun.
So the next time you find yourself in the cab of a tow truck with a little time to kill why not see how just much you can creep the tow truck driver out with pathetic attempts at gearhead chit-chat on the way to the mechanic.
Some of my favorites:
“Yep, getting to be about that time of year again. Almost time to break out the winter weight 35-W next oil change.”
“Yeah, she’s a pretty good vee-hicle. Just wish she had a few more ponies under the hood.”
Or my current favorite: “Automatic? Automatic-schmautomatic. Look, if it’s not stick you’re not driving – you’re just steering.”
My list goes on and on …
The poor blue-collar-cute fella who gave me a tow yesterday was so horrified by my sad little attempts at gearhead-speak he almost forgot to take payment.
That wasn’t my goal, however it woulda been nice should he have knocked a few bucks off the price.
Just because it’s evil doesn’t make it wrong.
p.s. be a lamb, how about a little clix?