Okay Diaryland, I think we need a little time off from one another. Last night I had sordid dreams that involved some of your members and if that doesn’t call for a short breakup, I don’t know what does.
But don’t worry, we can still be friends, we just need a little time apart is all.
Nothing dramatic, Diaryland. Promise.
But in the meantime, here’s the latest.
Today’s day off involved getting up very early, a lot of coffee, a little bit of writing, and lots of Dusty Springfield albums which ultimately made me want to slap on an enormous amount of eye makeup and put my hair up in a huge bouffant ‘do for the rest of the day but I couldn’t find any hairspray in the apartment so let’s just all be thankful for small favors.
Later, my walk took me to the local public library which was absolutely heavenly as they were wiping down the wooden shelves with Murphy’s Oil Soap which ranks at least #4 on my list of my most favorite smells ever so I wanted to stay there forever you know, taking in the aroma and fondling books printed on heavy stock paper but I had a million things to do which included looking for a sofa so I left to go to a furniture store where some creepy fella named Dennis tried to sell me a black leather vibrating Lazy-Boy complete with cup holder which led me to ask “do I look like I spend my Sundays in front of the boob toob watching the game wearing Umbros and a backward baseball cap knocking down the MGD’s with the fellas? Do I?”
So, I left jaded and sofaless and to make matters worse when I got home there was a knock on the door and it was the fireman from across the hall asking if I had any blank video tapes he could use and instead of kicking him in the teeth for his shrieking girlfriend keeping me up nights while they are getting it on, I took the higher ground and politely said no but somehow wound up lending him my Osbournes tapes but I now realize I should have snuck my copy of The Vagina Monologues in there, too so Macho Boy could learn a humble lesson in the workings of the wimmins because to the averse audience it’s painfully obvious his girlfriend is faking it, but you know, 20/20 hindsight and all that crap and the real point of the matter is when I get my Osbournes tapes back there better not be any amateur porn on there because quite frankly hearing it through the walls is creepy enough.
So, when he finally left it became clear my whole lackadaisical day wore me down because I laid down for 2 seconds to start my book and I woke up an hour and a half later with like, paper cuts on my eyelids and horribly blurred vision from sticky contact lenses but strangely enough I did not have any dreams about any Diaryland members so maybe we don’t have to break up afterall.
We’ll see how tonight goes, Diaryland, and I’ll let you know for sure in the morning. Okay?