So, my sister’s having a baby. The sister’s not due for another couple of months but she knows she’s having a little girl which ROCKS because that’s just another little mind to fuck with, you know, make Le Tigre mix tapes for and turn into a screaming socialist when she gets a little bit older.
So yeah, she’s gonna be awesome.
Even more awesome is the baby shower is done, done and DONE. As of today.
As of three hours and two beers ago--after having picked up a six-pack on the way home to, you know, take the edge off.
Because after playing The Good Hostess to thirty-plus Ladies Who Lunch at a banquet hall with pink-votive table favors and after trying to carefully place the cards with the gift after the unwrapping and carefully write down who gifted the pink-princess onsies and who sprang for the bouncy-chair and “I Love My Mommy” baby bibs and oh crap I forgot to write down who bought the ear-thermometer, it was all I could do not to throw myself head-first into the requisite Baby Shower Spiked-Sherbert Punch Bowl, which as you may or may not know is very Un-Ladies-Who-Lunch-Like behavior.
So, behold: the six-pack.
But you know, even though I make the jokes, I was totally pleased to help, it was great to see my sister enjoy herself it was great to be in charge so I could move things along quickly enough to clock the whole deal in at a very exact 3 hours (which, considering it was an entire luncheon AND 30+ gifts to unwrap, makes me One Fucking Awesome Hostess and trust me, the guests were just as grateful) it was nice to see my mom all excited about another grandbaby on the way and it was nice to see MY Aunts who, now in their 60s, managed to ask me only A COUPLE of times each, “So my lovely ann-frank, when’s it gonna be your turn…?”
Which I swear, my-little-niece-on-the-way, I promise to NEVER EVER do when you are all grown-up and you have to invite me to these things. Because I can assure you, though you will enjoy all of the books and clothes and Le Tigre mixes I make for you, and you will one day be happy I taught you how to drive stick-shift even though you will hate me at the time for trying, that “not asking” those questions at family get-togethers, will turn out to be the best gift ever. Promise.
I can’t wait to meet you and have our first dance party, little lady.