I actually watched one of the NCAA games last night.
Yeah, I know. What's next ann-frank? Getting ready to pack for Spirit Camp?
But don’t worry, I had my reasons and you will be happy to know - through whole ordeal a few things became stunningly clear.
Like Goldy Locks learning breaking and entering is against the law, ann-frank’s moral of the story goes a little something like this:
Why I am not a sports fan.
Exhibit A: Freakishly swift emotional attachment.
Sure, I did have my own personal reasons for wanting My Team to win. But, I do not even follow the sport – or any sport for that matter but by the way I was screaming, and yelling and cursing and clapping you’d think there was a million dollar grid/bracket/whatever bet going down.
No, no bet. Just me freaking out like a stage mom during the final countdown before The Miss USA pageant airs.
Apparently I am just a little too susceptible to “getting into the game”.
So, you could see where, should I keep the intensity up and become a real sports fan , problems could arise. The kind of problems that’ll only lead to future husband beating.
“Bears lost, honey. Go fetch me a switch from the tree.”
And no one wants to see that happen.
Exhibit B: Very Superstitious
Like I said, I had my reasons cheering for the particular team I wanted to win. Sure, I did. They were on a good winning streak when I was completely oblivious to the entire thing. They were doing just fine til I casually mentioned it to some friends.
My acknowledging winning streak = loss.
But I thought I could help them pull through it, team. I thought I could help them regain the magic if only I stuck to a few key moves. You see, I soon realized every time I drank my beer really fast whenever My Team was on the line – they’d make the free throw. Fail to drink my beer as quickly as possible and they’d miss the shot.
Sipping = no make-a the free throw.
Chugging = points.
As soon as I made the correlation, I made sure to stick with that key move. And had you watched you would have noticed an obvious improvement in their performance at the line in the second half of the game
Yes, that was me.
It was also obvious the opposing team was much more skilled in their free throwing abilities – until the second half of the game.
In the second half of the game, the opposition obviously missed more free throws.
That is because of my chanting.
Normally reserved for pool games at the pub, the chant is an essential part of any winning agenda.
I simply concentrate on the opposing players hands with evil laser like precision and chant: “Jinx! Motherfucker! Jinx!”
Just as it has helped me conquer many a pool game in the past, The Chant also helped knock a few of the opposition’s free throws outta the basket last night.
And do you honestly think it was the opposing team turning on the “Outside-D” that kept My Team from playing their usual kick ass 3pt game?
No. Unfortunatley, that was me, too.
Sadly, I didn’t realize until it was too late – but I had to be outside the room away from the TeeVee with the volume up on full blast before My Team had a chance at hitting a 3 pointer.
A little too late on the a-f three point magic tip. Oh well.
I am not even gonna tell you what it took to keep that one nice looking fellow on My Team from fouling out of the game.
But of course, my most obvious mistake was simply watching the game . I had never watched them play at all before.
Had I gone out early as planned and not even had turned on the TeeVee, My Team would most certainly be sitting pretty in the Final Four today.
I watched, I drank, I jinxed.
And that my friends, is why I do not follow sports.
But it’s ok. I’ll still keep talking out of my ass like I know what’s up.
And we’ll get ‘em in ’03, team.