Saturday night I had a few people over for some snacks and beverages and a roaring round of the new 20th Anniversary Edition of Trivial Pursuit. And I am here to tell you: the commercials for that game are totally misleading.
Yes, from the commercials (old slow-mo footage of b-celebrities and voice over: Thank you Kato Kalen… thank you Princess Diana”) you would think the game is chocked full of like, Amy Fisher trivia (Q: what New Jersey resident brought poofy-genie-like pants also known as “Zubas” into the national spotlight and into your husbands closet? A: Joey Buttafuco) and Lorena Bobbitt tid-bits (Q: What Brian Adams song encapsulates the whole Bobbitt experience? A: Cuts Like A Knife) and so on and so forth.
But it’s misleading, I tell you! Oh sure, there are a plenty of pop culture bones thrown your way, but man, in between your Sopranos and your Spielberg, there’s still some tuff stuff. Nothing like the new “Global View” category to bring out the geographically challenged ig’nernt Americun in all of us.
Damn you elusive blue pie!
Also, it’s probably best to keep your alcohol intake to a minimum or you might find yourself squirming in your seat with just about every.single.answer. juuuuust on-the-tip-of-your-tongue and even though you know in your head the proper answer is “The Big LeBOWSKI,” you wind up screaming “THE BIG BUKOWSKI”, compliments of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.
Also, “floats like a butterfly stings like a bee” will somehow be mysteriously switched around to something like, “stings like a butterfly, floats like a bee” which sounds five times more ridiculous when you think you are being oh-so-funny answering in your worst Mohammed Ali. And after awhile, you may be trying to answer “crop circles” but you keep saying “circle crops! Circle crops! I know it and it is circle crops!” and you don’t even realize you have once again pulled the switch, because in your head it sounds okay until you notice everyone else is laughing so hard there’s not much actual breathing going on in the room, just a lot of gasping for air.
Oh yeah, you? Feeling superior? Well I rocked the news category just so you ummm, know.
Anyway, you Trivial Pursuit purists will be happy to know other than the updated questions, the game basically remains the same. Other than the fancy casino-style plastic card shooter, the fancy improvement seems to be they’ve added ridges to the pie pieces, so that way you can lift each colored wedge easily out of the game pieces after every Thanksgiving Day game, rather than having to wipe the pecan pie and Cool Whip ™ off a stray butter knife so you can try to jimmy the stuck suckers out.
Also, caveat: keep an eye out for the highlighted questions. Should you buy yourself a 20th Anniversary Edition of Trivial Pursuit and you see one of the questions on the card is highlighted, don’t be like my dopey friends and me and assume it’s some sort of Willy Wonka golden ticket that will lead to super-fantastic cash prizes and your own personal Oompa Loompa to run your bubble bath and fetch your slippers.
Sure it’s thrilling to find at first, but then upon further research the directions basically state a “special” highlighted question is just a question made up by some sort of regular schmoe who was lucky enough to win a contest and have his question become part of the new trivial pursuit game so you are not goddamn special – sucker! Made you look!
So yeah, it means nothing. I mean to anyone but schmoe and schmoe’s close family and friends and maybe schmoe’s family minister should schmoe be somewhat of a religious fella.
So, sadly, for the rest of us, owning a game with this special highlighted question is nothing close to owning a golden goose. So you just go ahead and keep your naughty Oompa Loompa ideas to yourself, okay?