Hello diary – where have you been?

Oh, right here at ann-frank.diaryland.com? Umm, okay well it’s good to know you are still around.

Hi there. I’m the nut talking to my online diary. I think the hair dye is seeping into my brain, causing irreparable damage. Well, to be honest, I’ve got a little towel-cape-thing wrapped around my neck and my head covered in dye-goop, so I thought I’d take 30 minutes or so to bang out some self-indulgent nonsense while I am waiting for the irreparable damage to set it.

I know, can you hear more about the hair dye? I know you want to.

Okay, okay, wait! Don’t go! There is more!

Okay not really (oh why, oh why must I play these diary games!?)

Bah, okay to get on with it! There is no New Year recap for me (it’s too late for that anyway) but I will wrap up the last week of 2004 like this: Christmas, my birthday, New Years Eve.

And you know what happens every year, right? I celebrate New Years Eve on my birthday (a few days before) because it’s so damn close to the “real” thing, so why not? I mean, it’s my damn new year! Or something.

And if you have spent even more than 5 minutes reading here at ann-frank.diaryland.com, you can probably guess what went down for the birthday. Yes, at this point, after all of these years, our online-diary-relationship may as well be called: Totally Ann-Frank Mad Libs (c). You know, where you can fill in your own answers to guess what goes down at just about any birthday let alone any night I have out?

ie:

ann-frank turned [pick a number] today. Her friend threw her a [pick a politically incorrect birthday party theme] party. There was lots of [pick an alcoholic beverage] and a few very fun rounds of [pick some sort of gambling game] . Ann-Frank went to bed [pick an adjective] and [pick an adjective]. The End.*

I swear, it’s like this diary writes itself all the time sometimes.

Moving on.

I got caught feeling myself up in front of one of our VPs at work today. I didn’t mean to do it, but you know how I have been doing a lot of the swimming of the laps in the pool lately? Well who knew such constant physical activity would result in muscles? I mean, not like the huge muscles you get from the Brad Pitt New Hollywood Movie Role Regime, but like, muscle tone. Hell, I kind of knew muscle tone’s been going down for the past 10 months or so I’ve been hitting the pool, but honestly it caught me off guard today when I was standing outside the VPs office and he was all, “come on in!” and while walking my hand sort of brushed against my leg and I felt this like, lump. And I was all, holy shit! What the hell is wrong with my leg?!

I was so stunned by my leg muscle action I totally gripped my thigh. For at least a good five seconds or so.

Hello ann-frank, meet your quadriceps. Quadriceps, ann-frank.

Did I mention this all went down while I was standing in the doorway of the VP of Marketing’s office?

I umm, tried to play the whole thing off like there was some sort of … something on my skirt, you know, “la, la, la! What is this! Oh coffee stain, why have you ruined my clothing again!” but something tells me he wasn’t buying it. I mean, the man is all business as usual anyway, but this time his look was more like, we don’t do that kind of business here so take it elsewhere young lady!

So, you know, that was fun.

Whoa, time to go already? Yes, I am afraid the half hour is up, my friend. Time for me to wash this hair dye right outta my hair. And yes, I know what you are thinking. “Really? A full half hour to bang out that anecdotal garbage?”

Yes, yes, it was. I mean, I had to consult m-w.com to nail down the correct definition of adjective AND spell check quadriceps, so you know, that took some time. I’d blame it on the hair-goop, but y’all have been here before. You know better.

Okay then. Bye!

* 33, cowboys and Indians, beer, shut the box, hammered, alone