During the day, at work, in the glow of my computer’s monitor, sometimes my mind wanders and I get to thinking.
So, I’ve done some mulling and I’ve decided on:
Two Things I’d Do Differently if I Were a Stripper *
First of all - instead of the same old boring musical numbers these women come up with ie: “Motley Crue’s Girls! Girls! Girls!” Or Def Leopard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me”
I’d most certainly switch it up a bit.
Namely, I’d be contacting record labels in search of new music from established and up and coming bands.
Had this been a few years ago before the break-up I’d be on the horn with Virgin Records asking them if the new Smashing Pumpkins record “had anything with a beat, something you could dance to” .
Then, with the help of the label I’d throw my very own record releases party at The Strip Club the night before the new album went on sale.
Since new realeases come out on Tuesdays - I am sure Monday nights are slow nights at any Strip Joint across this great nation of ours anyway … I am sure they could use a little boost in business.
So, instead of lining up at boring old Tower records or what have you – the kids (21 and over) could come to the Strip Club and have a few drinks at the club.
Then, at the stroke of midnight, I’d come out and do my (tasteful, of course) strip routine to the latest Smashing Pumpkins song or whatever, and the kids could hear the new tracks, buy the new album and get to see real live naked women all in one night **
And I of course, would get 80% of the cut of new album sales for the evening – plus, you know, tips.
Then there are royalties from the band…
I’d like to think It’s a win/win/win situation for me, the label, and the kids forking out the money.
(and as I side note, I’d be sure to get Jon Spencer’s Blues Experience in the repertoire somewhere – I imagine there’s no finer music to strip to. If only the world would recognize).
And then The Second thing I'd do differently if I were a Stripper:
I’d do the whole “prop thing” a little bit differently, too. I instead of some greazy old pole that’s been licked on by everyone in the joint … I’d set up …say, a wicked indoor rock climbing wall in the back of the stage.
Something fairly easy to scale.
It’s a little bit of a renegade aesthetic for a strip club, sure. But I am positive you could figure out a few tricks with a harness and pasties – although I haven’t quite tweaked the logistics of that one yet.
So anyway … what have we learned here today (other than I probably don’t get much work done at work?)
It’s all about a solid business model, people.
* which I must strongly let you know will never ever ever happen in a million years for a million reasons I’m just sayin’
** Which, by the way, is not something young geeked out vinyl boys see a lot of – so this is a sure fire plan to get them coming out in droves. Record geeks feel safety in numbers, this I know.