Yeah. I know. Is this the coolest new template or what?
After spending a year in my old and classy suit (cleverly and lovingly designed by the evil genius behind 12% Beer my pal cuppajoe ) I decided it was time for a new spring wardrobe.
So, here it is. And I LOVE it. LOVE it.
And yes, you are absolutely right. I had nothing to do with the execution other than the fact, I had this idea, sent out a quick note on the notify list (which you can sign up for below with your email address!) asking for help and BAM. Along comes Colleen the web design genius. No. Seriously, she is awesome. Because even though she doesn’t even have her own diaryland site, she has tons of other of really cool things going on that just scream I AM A PROFESSIONAL WEB GENIUS AND NORMALLY I WOULD CHARGE YOU AN ARM AND A LEG AND POSSIBLY A PIZZA! But she helped me out of the kindness of her heart. And I had to promise her my first born, only shhhhh! We don’t need to tell her I am destined to be a shawl wearing-feeding-the-ducks childless talking-to-the-teevee old lady. So, you know, she doesn’t need to know that yet. I will wait for the baby-invoice.
Anyway, I am way excited and can’t thank Colleen and CuppaJoe enough for all of their help past and present.
But the funny (funny odd, not funny ha-ha) thing is, now that I have these fancy new digs, I am stuck for anything truly funny (funny ha-ha not funny odd) to say.
Only this story…
So, y’all know how I am a big library geek and I am there at least once a week checking out stacks of crap? Yeah, well yesterday I finally – finally! Went in to return the Dave Eggers book I have been reading You Shall Know Our Velocity. And it was way over due. And normally, I would have renewed online, but of course there’s a waiting list about a mile long, so I couldn’t. So yesterday I took it in – about 3 weeks late.
And normally, I’d just drop it in the box and take care of all the fines at a later time, but I had some other things on hold – so I brought it AND the CD AND the other late book to the check out (those were all on hold for other people, too, by the way – I have such bad library karma now) so they could check it in quickly and pass it along to the next people and so I could pay my fines and just get the shame over with.
And of course, by the time it’s my turn in the queue – I hear “can I help the next patron, please!” And of course it’s the cute librarian fella I have a crush on. And I am thinking, “no sweat – these are late, but you know, the people waiting from them won’t mind. They won’t know it was me the BAD, BAD, library patron handing in all this stuff three weeks late.”
So, the cute library fella takes the CD and checks it in. He’s all “hmm, on hold for someone else.” And he takes out one of those hold sheets and writes down their name, sticks it to the CD and sets it aside. Same thing for the other book. “Hmm, on hold for someone else.” Takes out of those hold sheets, writes down that person’s name sticks it to the book and sets it aside.
He gets to the Eggers book. And BEEP. He just sets it aside. No forms or anything.
And you know, I just gotta be the best little librarian patron I can be so I say something like, “yeah, that’s on hold for someone else, too.” You know, because he didn’t write any names down and I didn’t want that person to get lost in the shuffle.
Cute librarian fella looks and me and says, “Yeah, I know. It was on hold for me.”
Riiiiiight. Of course it is. Because you know, that is how my life is. One library book grossly overdue and the cute guy checking it in also happens to be the cute and probably pissed off by now guy waiting for it.
So, before the thoughts of our future together, you know, the one where he falls in love with me because I am just so damn irresistible and brilliant and we have a cute little gaggle of bespectacled and pasty geniuses, named like, Sylvia and Salinger – before that dream shatters into a million little pieces I, you know, regain my composure and try to salvage our future! Our future! And I lean on the counter and cooly say, “umm, yeah, so what’d you think of Eggers other book?”
Yeah, because I am just that cool .
Oh yeah, and his response was a cool, but not cool as in, “wow you are so irresistible when you stumble over your words like a moron!” kinda way but a, yeah, whatever, I am at work here lady and I could care less kinda cool, and he says, “Haven’t read it yet.”
And then he hands me the DVD I had on hold. And of course it is not like, a sophisticated foreign film or like, you know, some cool little indie flick. No, when the cute fella I’ve already made an ass out of myself in front of checks me out, it’s gotta be Maid in Manhattan.* .
So, I started screaming, “LOOK! If I want to be judged for my tastes I will just go to Reckless Records and let the hipster behind the counter do it! I don’t need this! And you know, you’re not that cute anyway!”
Oh, you’re right. I really just took my stuff, said thank you and went about my business.
I mean, there’s no screaming in the library! Feh!
I am sorry Sylvia and Salinger**! You never had a chance!
The moral of the story is: clearly, Colleen, pizza is a much more do-able payment at this point in my life.
Y’all have a good weekend. It’s a nice night, and there is beer to drink.
* Oh, quit your eye rolling. I could go into some big spiel about how I was curious about Ralph Fiennes and how he got involved in such crap, but I won’t even front. JLO? C’mon! We’re all curious!
**by the way, I am sooo kidding about these names. I am a tool but not that much of a tool.