I have, in my possession, the brand spanking new Jon Spencer Blues Explosion album “Plastic Fang”, y’all.
Their first in almost four years. And I have it.
On vinyl. Limited edition. 4 extra tracks than the CD.
A day before it’s official release tomorrow!
What can I say? The fellas at the store let me have it, even though they were all grousing and grumbly because it was their only copy and they’d have to order more for themselves and they really weren’t supposed to sell any ‘til tomorrow blah blah blah.
But I have it! The packaging is beeeeeautiful.
I know, couldn’t you just kiss me?
Well, don’t pucker up yet, starshine. I’ve got big worry.
I was so freaking excited about the whole thing, I didn’t remember ‘til I was on my way home my GOD DAMN TURN TABLE IS NOT WORKING.
She had a breakdown just a few weeks ago during a Connie Francis record marathon and now….
Now I’ve got the day off it’s all rainy and gray and I have the brand new Jon Spencer Blues Explosion album “Plastic Fang” on limited edition vinyl with for extra tracks, but I cannot listen to it.
That is so fucking unfair I am about this  close to crying.
I am sure this is some sort of karmic payback for something, but I can’t figure out what.
Maybe “lifting” a limited edition Breeders EP from my college radio station years ago? But no one even missed it!
Grrr. I dunno, but if you have a working turn table and you live near me let me know and I’ll bring over my record so we can listen and dance on the coffee table or something.
Ok, I am only joking. I would never dance on your coffee table unless you brought up the idea first.
My other choices include:
1. Heading to the thrift store to find a temporary replacement turn table (but the ones they have never have the needles)
2. Commandeering the college radio station up the block and taking over their studios ‘til they let me use their antiquated equipment.
3. Knocking door to door til I find someone with a goddamn working turntable. I am sure someone’s grandparents still have one of those long hi-fi systems that open on top and double as like, a breakfast buffet.
Either way, this is gonna take some time.
And I am not stopping til I am raising my arms and shaking my ass to some new JSBX, y’all.
Wish me The Luck.