So, my mom totally drunk-dialed me this afternoon while I was at work.
Well, she is you know, on vacation if that helps her defense any. Well, really what she is is retired, which means it’s totally okay for her and the step-father to be traipsing around Europe and elsewhere since, oh, last early November, you know, causing a ruckus on the Autobahn and testing out that new-fangled Euro to see just what kind of trouble they can really get themselves into in their Golden Years.
And so the whole conversation went something like this:
Mom: “Well, I just wanted to check in and let you kids know we spent the holidays with your Aunt and Uncle, ran up to Norway for a bit, swung back down through Berlin, then spent some time in Poland and the Czech Republic, stopped back to check in on your Aunt and now we’re in [insert name of city I don’t remember], Italy for a few days. Anyway, we’ll be going to bed soon, and I just wanted to check [slurred words, slurred words] you know we are having a great time … and I just [slurred words, something spoken in German I can’t understand because the more time my mother spends overseas the more she reverts back to her mother tongue … more slurred words] had the best glass of wine I think I’ve ever had in my entire life!”*
Me: Umm, yeah, mom? I think everything pretty much tastes like the best thing of your entire life when you’re holed up in a five star hotel in Italy somewhere.
Mom: Okay, great! Well, we’ll check in again when we get to [slurred words, maybe somewhere in Spain?] Goodnight!
Me: Okay! Talk to you soon! I’m going to sit at my desk under these soul-sucking fluorescent lights a little bit longer, maybe finish my sad little Subway® sandwich, then I have to go talk to HR and kick up my 401(k) about a million percent and maybe research a few more IRA’s before it’s just me and my 23 cats hanging in the double-wide chucking my PBR empties at the neighbor kids causing the ruckus at the meth lab next door! You take care! Love you, mom, bye!
It’s nice to know she’s having fun.
*Seriously, one glass of wine can do all of this to my mother. The woman’s never been a drinker. My real dad’s gene pool is from where the healthy drinking lust of his offspring comes.
Other not-so-notable events: I won $4750 dollars in (fake) money from my friends the other night. Did you know Poker is the new craze among those who have cable TV? Well, thanks to the Bravo channel it is. What with The World Series of Poker and Celebrity Poker broadcast 24/7 now, Poker is the new (more social) knitting!
Once my friends get up the balls to play for real cash-money, forget 401(k)! I’ve got Texas Hold’em on my side.
Because you know, I am just that dumb sometimes.
*Again, I don’t have the cable TV, which is not something I say to be like those people who don’t even own a TV who like to work that little fact into conversation within the first 15 minutes of conversation you ever have with them. I just live in the oldest non-cable-ready building in the world and have not committed to The Dish yet. Maybe the Danny Devito reading the customer-confessional letters have gotten to me? I don’t know. Probably, I am just lazy & cheap. I know, what do I mean, “probably?”