burger king: redefining creepy every day
I could go into a long explanation about how Iíve been really too busy to type here because Iíve been smooching and swimming and practicing my air guitar and putting together an glitter-scarf ensemble thatíd put Steven Tyler to shame all in preparation for the big competition ** or maybe Iím just too busy restraining myself from throwing my radio out the window when The Smug try to pass off a difference between ďactionable itemsĒ and ďplansĒ or maybe Iíve just been on hold with Ticketmaster for the last four days trying to get Pixies tickets...
But really mostly Iíve been spending my time bossing around the chicken.
Strangely enough, that is not you know, an actual euphemism. Nevertheless, still way creepy.
*I am really thinking that it doesnít have anything to do with BK for real, but that chickenís been going at it for awhile now. naughty. Uh-huh.
** no seriously, check out the official air guitar rules, because donít even think about cheating by entering the competition with a real guitar. Uh-uh, no way. The official Rule Makers clearly state: ďTHE INSTRAMENT MUST BE INVISIBLE, IE: AIRĒ. I guess the Official Rule Makers saw your cheating ass a mile away.
Also, it is apparently okay to have AIR guitar roadies, but you cannot have an AIR back-up band. So you itís perfectly okay for your friends to dress up like the typical 1983 burn-out in order to carry your AIR instrument cases to the stage to set up and maybe even drink a few AIR beers and get a few AIR blow jobs from AIR groupies later, but sadly, they cannot perform. Which just goes to show, even in the world of air, some people, always the roadie, never the rock star.
*** there really is no third footnote, I just realized I was getting all David Foster Wallace on your ass in a really pathetic and sad manner. Cleary, I have not learned the art ofquitting while youíre ahead.
0 comments so far