Inspired by Benjamin Franklin’s biography, a friend of mine recently wrote a very. lovely. e-mail to a few people urging us to start writing letters. Real letters. To Congress. The President. Someone you hate. Someone you love. Someone who gave you free coupons when you found a disembodied frozen thumb in your Haagen Daaz.
Doesn’t matter. Just write some letters. Two a month.
Though I am sure this is not exactly what he had in mind, I was inspired.
Dear The Gap:
Do we really need more pretty "real" people dancing in front of a white backdrop to a nostalgic pop-hit from 20 years ago all the while dressed head to toe in your over-priced and not-that-cool clothes?
No. We do not.
Find another way to sell your wares before it gets ugly.
Never wore khakis,
Okay, so I sometimes wear khakis, but for, you know, effect they don't really need to know that.
Because more importantly, I have a new thing: ATM fees protests.
Yes, I realize it is a convenience thing – hey you want your money at 2am from our machine? You are going to have to pay and like it, pally.
Fine, whatever. But when you-shifty-bank-people charge me $4 to talk to a teller during banking hours I guess I have no choice but to go to your stupid machines. But if you try to charge me $2 to get my own money, I will protest.
Which usually goes down like this: I put my card in the machine. Machine tells me I am going to be charged $2 to get my money.
I stare in some sort of crazy manner directly into the security camera and start the pantomime protest. I put up 2 fingers, like a peace sign. Then I take the index finger on my other hand, point it by my temple, and start circling clockwise.
Which, if you did not know, is the international sign for “charging me $2 bucks to get my money”? You must be LOCO!”
Then I move along.
I am sure such footage, should they ever look at it, will be a big hit at The Bank One/Citi Bank holiday parties.
But, most importantly, do you think the new Homeland Security folk will put me on the list of the “fiscally whiney,” or what?