“So Fucking Tired of Looking at that Old Entry I Have No Other Choice but to Type and Get Rid of It Even Though I Have Absolutely Nothing To Say”

1. On Martha Stewart: God, seriously, just stop it. I know the prison-shank that doubles as a cheese spreader jokes seemed funny at one time, but really, after 72 non-stop hours of it, please stop. Thank you.

2. Underworld on DVD: totally “eh” about the movie but totally ga-gah over Kate Beckinsdale’s hott gothness. Kudos to costuming for designing her kickass boots with a kickassably sensible heel. Latex suits and stilettos look cool, but unless that superhero has superhealing powers, she’s gonna be out with ankle injuries more often than not.

3. Fuck Coachella, I want to see the Pixies live in Dublin. Won’t you buy me a ticket? Oh, and ummm, airfare?

4. The Gossip: saw them again recently. Still the best. time. ever all shakin’, shakin’ to the dirty, dirty, Why haven’t you seen them yet already?

5. Horseradish hummus: I love it so much I just might marry it. So there.

6. Bell’s Amber Ale: you kicked my ass on Friday, but you have not seen the last of me yet! I demand a rematch. How’s next Wednesday?

7. Pub Quiz: Apparently, my teammates are keeping me around for my penmanship because it sure ain’t my encyclopedic knowledge of The Useful. Will someone please remind me to look at a goddamn atlas before Tuesday? Because I am very tired of Geography kicking my ass. I would blame the public school system only, I went to a Catholic High School, so I guess I will just have to go ahead and blame God.

8. Speaking of, hey Mel Gibson: SMITE ME!

9. Sleep: Lately, you are always on my mind, sexy sleep. I must have you. Let’s go. You and me in bed, right now.